Goodbye Mum: Christina Mitchell, 1926-2021

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Boxing Day 2015
October 2016 (90th birthday weekend)
November 2020
November 2018
Boxing Day 2017
Boxing Day 2020

I have been absent from the blogging world for the last two months – this post explains why. On 22nd October, I lost my lovely Mum and life has changed utterly. Above are some of my favourite recent(ish) photos of me with Mum. Below is the tribute I made at her funeral which I am posting here in her memory.

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In 2014 I spotted on social media a call from a Glasgow University research project for wedding photographs from the first half of the 20th century. I knew that Mum had several pictures of family weddings in her collection, so we scanned them and sent them off. As a result, the researcher visited Mum for an oral history interview. When I read the transcript I was fascinated. There were plenty of stories that I knew, but some that I didn’t. I also felt that it was compelling social history so I persuaded Mum to set up a blog with me, and over the next 6 years we told the story of her life, entitled It was always sunny – over 100 posts in all. It was an exercise I’m very glad we did – it brought us closer together, and it also means that the family will have fewer of those “I wish I’d asked” moments than we might have done otherwise. Today I will share a few highlights with you.

Christina Sinclair Stroud was born on 21st October 1926 in Greenock, before moving with her family to Kilmacolm while still a toddler. Her maternal grandparents lived in Bridgend Toll House, and many of Mum’s happy childhood memories centred around the Toll. For several years, Wee Chrissie was the youngest grandchild on both sides, handed round like a parcel because there was so much competition amongst doting aunts, uncles, and cousins to have her on their knees.

Chrissie at 3 months
Family group at The Toll
Wee Chrissie with her Mum and Dad

Then in August 1933, something life changing happened which Mum described in a post called Wonderful Day. Her Dad took her to the Toll to spend time with her grandparents – nothing unusual in that – but when he brought her home later she was surprised to find her Mum wasn’t in the kitchen, but in the bedroom. Not only that, she was holding a baby wrapped in a white shawl. Wee Chrissie was entranced. “Is it ours?” she asked, and on being assured that Baby Annabel was indeed theirs she burst into tears of joy. Thus began the longest relationship of Mum’s life. She was a devoted big sister, and I know the feelings were reciprocated. It’s entirely appropriate that Mum’s last visitors on the day before her final collapse were Annabel and her daughter Tracy, and I’m so glad that they were able to have an early celebration of the birthday Mum never got to see.

Sisters, 1930s
Sisters, October 2021

Fast forward a few years, and Mum credited Annabel with changing her life in another way. The family had moved back to Greenock and Mum was attending the Episcopal Church. However, Annabel joined the Youth Club at Ardgowan Methodist Church where she volunteered her big sister to come in to help the girls in the sewing class. So Mum became a Methodist and soon settled into the youth club herself. Often, their meetings ended in a kissing game, and one evening in late 1949 she kissed a young man with curly red hair. In her blog, she described being left dazed and confused, and she told her friends that if she couldn’t marry John Mitchell, she wouldn’t marry anyone.

John and Chris April 1950
John and Chris August 1950

Well, we all know how that turned out: they were together for the next 66 years, but it wasn’t straight-forward at first. Dad was about to enter the ministry and spent 3 years in theological college in Leeds followed by 3 years as a probationer in Findochty and Cullen. At that time ministers were not allowed to marry until after ordination, so a 6-year, long-distance engagement followed. Eventually, in August 1956, they celebrated their wedding – in fact, a double wedding with Annabel and my late uncle, Jim McInnes, marrying in the same ceremony. After a honeymoon in Ireland, Mum and Dad departed for his first circuit, Haltwhistle in Northumberland.

John and Chris, August 1956
Wedding party, August 1956

There followed 38 years in the North East of England, with subsequent ministries in Sunderland, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Consett, and then back to Newcastle in 1980 where Dad was Chairman of the District for 14 years. They were happy in all these places, though I suspect harboured a particular soft spot for Haltwhistle because it was the first, and because it was where my sister Elspeth and I were born. Family was important to both of them, and in later years they were welcoming parents-in-law to John and Winston and delighted and proud grandparents to Elspeth and Winston’s daughters, Harriet and Cassie.

“Doon the watter” with Granda Mitchell
Mum and girls

Alongside family ran Dad’s ministry, and he acknowledged that without Mum he could never have made it what it was: it was a true partnership in home and church, and the churches always got two for the price of one. When Dad retired in 1994 they decided to move back to the West of Scotland, largely for family reasons – John and I were well established in Glasgow by then, and Annabel and Jim were still in Greenock – but the main criterion for deciding on the exact place was the strength of the local Methodist Church. And so they came to Paisley where they embraced the church and the church embraced them back.

It’s been very touching to receive tributes to Mum from folk from many of the churches mentioned. Some of the words written include:

  • Friendship, love and kindness
  • Spiritual guidance and deep faith
  • Laughter, smiles and quiet sense of fun
  • Wise counsel
  • Encouragement, example and support
  • Interest and helpfulness
  • Special – that one came up several times

One comment in particular made me smile, from a minister and his wife who had two small children. “Your Mum would often ring us to say we had to have a day off and she would look after the children so that we could go out and have a day to ourselves. It was no use saying No! Chris had made her mind up and it was pointless to argue!” That characteristic never changed, though I have to say in this case there was probably an ulterior motive in that Mum loved looking after small children, and in the last couple of years she enjoyed, when restrictions allowed, being able to cuddle members of the newest generation in the shape of her great-great nephews, Tommy and Lenny.

Mum and Tommy
Mum and Lenny

Life changed again when Dad died in 2015 – Mum missed him every day, of course, but there were still plenty of happy times. This year, however, Mum’s health was more problematic, and in August she went to hospital in Paisley for 6 weeks before being discharged into Four Hills Nursing Home near us in Glasgow. She had only been there for 3 weeks before she collapsed with a brain haemorrhage on 20th October and was taken to hospital again, this time Glasgow Royal. Because it was Mum’s 95th birthday the next day, my sister Elspeth was staying with us and I’ll always be grateful that this was something we were able to face together. We didn’t think Mum would make it to 95, but she did, holding on till the 22nd in body if not in spirit.

I don’t remember this, my final story, but it’s in Mum’s blog so it must be true. When we left Haltwhistle I was 5. Apparently someone asked me if I was looking forward to living in my new home, to which I replied that I didn’t have a new home. “But aren’t you going away to live at the seaside?” he said. “Oh yes”, was the scornful retort, “we’re going to live in a different house – but we’re taking home with us!” How true that was. Our home was what and where Mum made it, and home remained very important to her. In her time in hospital and Four Hills, she often said that the people were lovely and very kind (and I agree – I know I saw the very best of humanity in those 9 weeks) but that she just wanted to go home, to have her own things around her, and to be where Dad was. In a different sense, she has got her wish. They are now home together and I give thanks for both their lives. Thank you for joining me in remembering Mum.

Christina Sinclair Mitchell
21/10/1926-22/10/2021
Family history

119 Comments »

  1. What a loving tribute to your wonderful mother. She was just gorgeous, as a bonus. You must have so many memories crowding into your thoughts, every day.

    I’m glad I commented on Carol’s post, and that she pointed me to your blog.

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  2. Like the previous commenter I too am glad I came across this. I lost my Mum a few years ago, and Dad about 18 months before that. Both were ill for some years beforehand – he with Parkinson’s, her with dementia. I often wonder if it was good that we were more than prepared for, and reconciled to, their loss with such tough years leading up to it, or whether it would have been so much better for them not to have lived through those last difficult years – especially Dad, as he knew what was going on both with himself and Mum. There’s no easy way of dealing with any of this – I feel for you.

    On a lighter note I was interested to read that you were born in Haltwhistle and grew up in the north east. My husband’s a Geordie and I know the region very well – indeed we were in Haltwhistle with friends just last summer!

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    • Thank you, Sarah. My father’s death was very sudden – I think that was the best way to go for both us and him. Mum had dementia and the two pandemic years were very difficult. Like you, I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if she hadn’t lived through those.

      I have seen your comments on various blogs and always assumed Toonsarah meant you were the Geordie! I grew up in the North East as you spotted, including 5 years in The Toon.

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  3. What a beautiful post and tribute to your mom. I’m so glad I happened upon this as I have just gone through a very similar loss. My mom who was also born in 1926, died this past October on the 28th. She spent her last months in a nursing home due to failing health and severe dementia. Sad to know we have this loss in common but I’m thankful to have read your post, the story and pictures are wonderful. And how great that she and her sister could be together at the end. With deep sympathy and best wishes for a gentler new year.

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    • Thank you Marcia. We lost our mothers just six days apart, and it does sound to be very similar circumstances. It is very hard to see someone disappear into dementia, it’s a loss before the big loss. Wishing you healing and a better year in 2022.

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  6. Anabel, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum’s passing. You have shared some lovely stories and photos from her life. Your mum and my dad were almost exactly the same age — my dad was born November 17, 1926, but sadly, he has been gone for almost 18 years. My thoughts are with you.

    Jude

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  7. So sorry to hear of your loss. But I loved reading the eulogy, and about her life. Christmas will indeed be strange for you. One day at a time…. thinking of you.

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  8. Oh no, I am so sorry for your loss. I love looking through family photos and included a number of them in my Nan & Grandad’s funeral leaflets when we lost them. This is such a wonderful tribute to your Mum. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Take care.

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  9. I’m so sorry for your loss , Anabel. Love those snaps of your mum with Tommy and Lenny, you can see the joy. Take care x

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  12. Pingback: Absquatulate | rfljenksy – Practicing Simplicity

  13. That was a lovely tribute to your Mum Anabel. The phrase “a good life well lived” is so much more than just a cliché”
    Remember to spare some time for yourself, a 10 minute break with a cup of tea and cake (essential) can be very restorative.

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  14. Well that brought a tear. As you know I delighted in your joint blog for the memories of my mum a distant contemporary that your mum’s recollections triggered. Thank you for sharing those memories and some of your deep love for her. Take care…

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  18. So sorry for your loss Anabel, she sounded like a beautiful person. Thats such a wonderful tribute you gave her. How lucky that you had her for so long in your life. You have such great memories of her.

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  20. Such a wonderful tribute to your mom, Anabel. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom looks healthy and much younger than 85 in your photos. She’s lived a full and happy life by the sounds of it and she was loved by many. I’m glad she had both her daughters around until the end. That was important and precious. I’m sending you strength to add to all those lovely memories.

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  21. I’m so very sorry for your loss! Your mother sounded like a wonderful person, and I love the photos of her too….you look remarkably like her! Your tribute to her was loving and touching…..

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  22. You wrote about your mom so eloquently and with love. It is so hard to lose a parent that you are so close to and love so very deeply. I know this feeling and this Christmas will be a tough one as will other celebrations because it is the year of firsts. I love the wedding dresses which are so elegant compared to many other decades. You look like your mom. I’m so glad that your sister was there with you and I know your mom was aware of this. You are right, she is now with your dad and enjoying what they love best…each other. My heart goes out to you.

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    • Thanks Birgit – I know you have been there before me and understand what it is like. I found that wedding dress the other day when I was clearing out a cupboard, don’t know what to do with it. It will probably end up in one of my cupboards because I can’t bear to get rid of it.

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  23. oh this is such a beautiful tribute, clearly you mother’s kindness, spirit and all round fabulousness (that really should be a real word!) has passed down to you and I am sure your sister too. Huge hugs, enjoy the memories over the coming months and years

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  24. Dear Anabel,
    My sincere condolences upon the loss of your mum. You’ve written a beautiful tribute and the photos tell so much about her loving, gracious character as well. The fact you did the blog together to preserve family memories is so inspiring!

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  25. Dear Anabel – yes what a lovely share showing us how lovely your mother has been. I loved reading your story … mothers are so special, as too fathers – and now you can remember them together in peace. Thank you so much for this wonderful post. Stay safe and with many thoughts for you and the family – Hilary

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  26. So sorry to hear about your Mum, Anabel. My condolences to you and family. You’ve written so beautifully about her life. You’ll have many happy memories to help you through the sorrow. My Mum was a life long Methodist who worked for The LPMA from the 1950’s to 1980. I wonder if they knew each other? One of my memories is wherever we went she would chat to people and soon find a connection through the church. Sending love and virtual hugs x

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    • Thanks Ruth for your kind words. Given that timescale I think it’s entirely likely that my dad in particular would have come across your mum. He seemed to know everyone! I have a similar memory of going back to a town where he had been minister and it felt as though he and mum were stopped for a chat every few feet by people with a Methodist connection.

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  27. What a beautiful tribute to your mum! I’m so sorry for your loss – clearly she was a remarkable woman and you were a devoted daughter. It was lovely to read all about her life and see such love in all the photos. You were indeed blessed, and her memory will live on.
    Lynne

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  28. I know what a painful time this is, Anabel. It doesn’t seem to matter how old we are, or how well we think we are emotionally prepared. When they pass, the hole that’s left behind feels beyond measure. Moms are special ❤️
    My deepest sympathies.

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  29. What a lovely tribute Anabel. I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum and I’m very happy you had your sister with you. May you be able to continue to enjoy in all the special memories and be happy that you had all those terrific years. Sending hugs from California.

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  30. Very sorry for your loss Anabel. Lovely history of your family and memories to look back on.
    I wish in some ways I’d done something similar with my own parents back story by asking them more but men/boys, even if curious, are fairly bad at that sort of thing and soon got sidetracked onto some other topic of conversation so I was left with a lot of gaps in their history I only learned later or thought about to ask when it was too late.

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  32. I am so very sorry for your loss, Anabel. I found a number of things interesting in that Annabell and I met at church, and the minister who introduced us was the minister who married us three years later – the Rev. James Currie. Your words were a wonderful tribute. Sadly my sisters and I never got to know our mother as well as we would have liked. She rarely talked about her life. I am so glad you got to know your mother as well as you did.

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    • Thank you, and I hope things are going reasonably well for you and Annabell at the moment. My mum always talked a lot about her early life, especially when she got together with her sister Annabel (how many spellings of that name can we squeeze in!) but still there were some surprises when we started writing the blog together.

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  33. It is always difficult to comment tidings of the kind, dear Anabel, especially when good people like your wonderful mother leave our world, so dark & full of negative things. God bless her in Paradise. “Death is just another part we all take” (Gendalf), so now she can help you & be with you from the other side of the world.
    My best regards,
    Maria

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  34. I’m so sorry to read this, even though it is such a beautiful, tender tribute. I loved the bit about her ‘being left dazed and confused’ – the perfect description of young love. I am sure she did think you were too young to tell! Having her stories will be a comfort to you and the rest of the family.

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  35. I’m glad you’ve been able to share this with us, because your Mum truly was special. And now she has taken herself off to a new home, wherever your Dad has made it. It’s never easy saying goodbye to a parent, but they are together again, which is clearly what she was ready for.
    And as some wise person said to us when ours went; people may say well, they’ve had a good innings, but in a way that makes it harder – because they’ve always been there, so the gap is that much bigger.
    Thinking of you, and your family, and sending you hugs. ❤

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  36. Anabel, I am so sorry to hear this news and send you love from way over here. Your tribute to your mother is beautiful and shows just what a remarkable woman she was. I know all too well her feeling of wanting to be at home. The mother of a dear friend of mine made the decision at 92 that she could no longer live in the home she’d been in all her married life and the family found her a wonderful care home for her last 4 years. She was happy there and well cared for but always said it was not her home, just the place where she lived. And, a year ago, my parents sold their home of 50 years and moved into a lovely new home within in a retirement/residential complex. They feel the same way, it’s a nice place to live but it will never be their home. It must be so hard to make that huge change at such an advanced age. I hope as the months go by you will find peace and joy in the precious memories you and your family have of your mother.

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    • Thanks Carol. Mum was remarkable in many ways. I hope she’d have settled in the care home before too long: there were signs that was starting to happen, and because she had dementia the lines between home and “the home” were starting to blur anyway. It was still heartbreaking for me too, knowing I had made that decision and was responsible – but she needed care way beyond what I could provide.

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  37. Very sorry to hear this, Anabel. Your mum sounds like an amazing person. I like your words at the start ‘Words are not enough, but these will have to do’. There’s never enough words to describe those dear to us and their impact. These ones were beautiful and a great tribute.

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  38. Sad to hear your news, Anabel…..you have written a very fond, loving tribute to your Mum. You were very fortunate to have her for so long. sending my deepest sympathy

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  40. I have been thinking of you often and hoping all was going well, so I am sad to hear your news. Your tribute is beautiful though and I enjoyed reading about your mother’s life, but when I reached the last part where she wanted to be home it brought tears to my eyes. My mother died 26 years ago in hospital, but her last request was that she could return home.

    I understand how difficult it is clearing a home. So many memories, so many decisions and it is very wearing. Sending you my deepest sympathy Anabel and many hugs ((( ))

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  41. I am so sorry to read this sad news, Anabel. Your mum sounds like an absolutely wonderful person and I am sure her absence is felt keenly. I wish you gentle days ahead and that this treasury of memories brings you comfort when times are tough.

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  42. Since you wrote that your mum had been transferred from hospital to a care home I’ve thought about you often and wondered how things were so I’m really sorry to read this news. This is a lovely tribute to your mum, she sounds like a wonderful and very special lady who will be very much missed, not just by you but by others whose lives she touched throughout the years. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers and a big cyber hug xx

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  43. Oh, Anabel, this leaves a lump in my throat! I knew Mum was ill and thought your absence was in dealing with this. It’s a fabulous age she reached and she sounds like a fabulous woman. I love the wedding photos and in some you look like peas in a pod. You were so close that the final separation is a real wrench, but you can ultimately only be happy that she’s with Dad again. If I can’t have him I don’t want anyone is such a wonderful determined statement and they look so happy together. And you have a permanent record of that. God bless!

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    • Thanks Jo, she was pretty fabulous and is sorely missed. As I said to Andrew further down, I do see her looking out of the mirror at me more and more. I knew mum and dad had met at the church, but the story about falling in love at first kiss was a new detail to me when we wrote the blog together. Perhaps she thought I was too young to tell before 😉!

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      • I don’t think I ever talked about that kind of thing with my parents. Shame, really, but they were very different people. Cherish those memories, hon, and then take up your own lives while you can. 🤗💕

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  44. Anabel
    what a lovely tribute to your mum and the pictures are terrific too. I know they will be a comfort to you in times ahead. Make sure to take care of yourself
    Love
    Edith & Stewart

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  49. Hi, Anabel – I am so sorry to hear about this loss. This is a beautiful tribute filled with so much love and fond memories. How wonderful to have the blog that you wrote together — I’m off to check it out now.
    Sending warm thoughts your way.

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  50. Thanks so much for sharing this tribute to your mom. How lucky you were to have had her with you for so long. I imagine that makes the pain at the separation even sharper. Big hug.

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  51. Anabel, that’s a lovely tribute to a wonderful Mum. I can feel your love, and hers, in every word you’ve written. I know life won’t be the same for you but things do get better after a while (feelings on the death of a parent is something we all share) and I hope over the next few months you’ll grieve as you must and then pick up the pieces again. When you do return to the Blogosphere, where you’ve been much missed, it will be to a great welcome. Meantime, keep strong.

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  52. Dear Annabel, I read your beautiful tribute to your Mother and I want to send you and your family condolences and infinite hugs. The love and memories you have for your Mother shines through in your words. And, yes, “life has changed utterly.”

    Your tribute is a reminder how a person’s life is filled with many stories and we hold the people in our lives, dearest. The photos you share are a treasure and make me smile and get teary. Thank you for sharing and reminding me what is truly important. Love, Erica
    (I have pressed pause on blogging right now for a myriad of personal reasons – I wanted to make sure to send you a hug❤️)

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